Thursday, January 2, 2014

8 Things To Stay in 2013 and OUT of Your Closet

Now that 2014 is here,  I feel it necessary to help you clean out your closet. Let's get rid of some things, shall we? 

 1. RANDOM ASS CUT OUT CLOTHING: Wanna know why? Go here

2. Clothes that don't fit: It's 2014 people,  unless you bought a crop top,  I should not see your belly. And plumbers crack was NEVER in fashion (despite the "look at my g-string" phase the world went through in the late 90s into the 2000's). Stop wearing clothes that you have to McGuyver your way into because 9 times out of 10, it looks terrible on you. I'm sorry, but the bell bottoms you wore in high school now look like liberty bells dangling over your ankles. GO GET SOME CLOTHES THAT FIT!

Also, please take those clothes to your local church or shelter,  there are plenty of people who could use them.

3. Harem pants: Yes, I thought they were cute last year too, but it's time to let the poopy pants go. Try luxe sport pants.  They are just as comfy, but your crotch isn't 6 inches lower like a saggy diaper. This also applies to jeans that are now too big, tuck them in the back for your "fat days" and grab some that fit at the waist and hip.

4. Ill fitting bras: Ladies, no matter what titty committee you belong to (big or itty bitty), it's time to buy bras that lift and flatter.  Let the sleeping bag bras go! And for you girls who have bras that strangle your jugs, cut that shit out too. Nobody should think you're from Total Recall because you have 4 titties in your shirt. Proper underwear can make or break an outfit. Here's my guide to better underwear here

5. Old shoes: I know, this is a hard one for me too. I have a ton of shoes and I love them all dearly, but if you haven't touched them in a year,  let them go. Those clear platform shoes ain't coming back in style, love.  Sorry. And Crocs..... NEED TO GO! I ain't apologizing for that.

6. UGGs in the summer time: Seriously, why is this still a thing? My California girls (queue Katy Perry), UGGs, short shorts, and sunglasses make you look stupid. Sorry. Are your feet going through hyperthermia in 85 degree weather? I'm confused.... This also applies to wearing Hunter boots when it's completely sunny out without a cloud in the sky. Y'all need to cut it out. 

7. Short mini skirts: You know that skirt that won't let you bend over without showing folks your birth canal? TOSS IT!  Do I really need to elaborate? Nobody over the age of 25 should be wearing that in public unless you work at 3am and carry a small purse for tips. Now, for extracurricular, bedroom purposes..... do ya thang!

8. Your pajamas: "What?! Ok Shay, you tripping. Why would I throw my pajamas out?" I'm glad you asked.... If you wear your pajamas outside of the house, for ANY reason (outside of checking the mail), GET RID OF THEM. 

Listen, the sole purpose of PJs are for sleep, MAYBE lounging. DO NOT take yo funky, no showering behind to the store with your hello kitty fleece pajamas. We don't want to see them. If you don't have the strength to throw on some leggings/yoga pants and a decent top, stay in the damn house!

So here is my first rant of 2014. Don't worry, I'm sure there will be more to come. What do you wanna see stay in 2013?

Stay Fab! <3

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